My faith is not something that I have always been able to easily about. Just by being a reader of The Spanish Bluebell you might not have even been aware that I have a faith and what it is, and I was always comfortable with that. I never intended to write about my faith properly, except when mentioning what I had been up to briefly or around holiday times that were of Christian significance. But now I want that to change.
I don’t want to hide.
In a sense I have been hiding a very important side of me from my readers, because my faith is exactly that, very important. My faith makes up a huge part of my personality and who I am and by not sharing my faith in my writing, I feel like you aren’t understanding who I really am. Over the past year I have been umm-ing and ahh-ing about whether to write about my faith on The Spanish Bluebell or to start a new blog. Ultimately I feel like it would be too hard for my poor unorganised soul to keep up with 2 blogs when I haven’t been doing the best job with keeping up with this one. So I have decided that I will incorporate my faith writings into The Spanish Bluebell. I have created a new posts tab under the Life tab called Faith Writings where you will be able to find any new (or old post) where I discuss my faith, what it means to me, how it affects the way I live my life, as well as some more personal faith posts.
Of course all my faith posts will still pop up in my main feed, and I am not going to apologise for that. If you are one of my readers who isn’t interested in posts on faith and Christianity, you don’t have to read those posts. I will still be doing my normal lifestyles, travel and beauty posts, so please don’t feel like there is nothing for you here anymore. I also don’t want to make any of my readers feel like I am trying to “convert you” or something, because I am not. Like I said I just want to be honest about who I am and sometimes that will require me to talk about my faith.
Change is inevitable.
This rings true for me every day. Looking at a timeline of my life since I was born and a timeline of the last year it would be stupid of me to think I was ever in control over what has happened at any stage in my life, except for my own decisions. I have been told so many times as a part of my faith that my plans aren’t always going to work out, and its true. As a Christian believer I am told that I should expect change constantly and not fight it, and I try. But it is so hard and you encounter feelings of disappointment, anger, self-doubt, frustration, discouragement, confusion and many other feelings.
Right now I feel all of the above.. This morning I had a call to say that the college campus I was enrolling to study at in 2016 is having close down their music school at the end of this year. This whole day my head has been in a swirl of all of these feeling and because of that I am in no fit state to make any decisions about my future for next year. I mean it took me a good 6 months to get to a place where I thought I had figured out the direction God was wanting to take my life but now I am no longer sure. So I have been praying, and the above verse came to me and spoke to the hurt I am feeling.
I am so grateful to have even been given to opportunity and encouragement to study my faith and music together, and for someone to think I was good enough. Right now though, I am trusting in God, and knowing that he has something else for me. I admit is hard to do when I am the sort of person who likes to be in control and have a plan. For now though I am just working through my disappointment and getting back to the stage of figuring out what to do with my life.
How do you cope with the more stressful changes in your life?