As you may have gathered from my last post I have been watching quite a bit of Once Upon a Time lately. Today I was watching the latest episode of Season 3 when something Rumpelstiltskin said really hit hard to me, not just for myself but for a lot of people I know.
“We had a chance to be happy, but I was afraid.”
Now how many of you have felt like this before in your life. I know I have and still occasionally do feel this way. Scared of being happy. And the reason that we are scared of being happy is because it means we will have something to lose. In this age we are being taught by the media and everything around us that as soon as we allow ourselves to be happy it will be ripped away.
Like letting ourselves love someone and letting them into our hearts is the worst possible thing you could do because you shouldn’t trust anyone but yourself otherwise you’ll end up hurt. We are scared that there will be no happy ending for us because so many bad things have led us to be where we are now, brokenhearted, sad, angry and helpless. But that is wrong, it is that hurt, the pain and the tears, that we need to learn from even though we cannot heal it by ourselves. Because it’s okay to love, it’s okay to be happy. Heck that is why we are here still alive and living.
As I have been growing in my faith this past year I have had many people there to help and guide me. They have helped me to learn that in my contentment that God gives me I can truly be happy. God is the one who brings my happiness and content in knowing that he has my happy ending all planned out for me.
I have always been slightly like the odd one out in my group of friends. I have never had a boyfriend. Yes I have had crushes on boys and thought that they could be the one but those thoughts were coming from me and I always knew in the end that this is not where my life was heading. I have somehow managed to be patient and content with the fact that the man who God has for me is out there somewhere but neither of us are ready yet. Sure I have felt slightly jealous at times when I see my friends with their boyfriends but really, some of them have had at least 10 different boyfriends in within 2 years or less, getting their hearts broken.
So yeah it could sound from what I have written above that I was too scared to try to love someone and I was for a time until I started opening my heart up and realised that it wasn’t my time yet (by the way I did only make this discovery a couple of years ago). Yet even when I was younger, before this epiphany, I always found it quite silly that my friends had boyfriends. I mean Year 8, for goodness sake, how many of those “couple” lasted longer than a month? Maybe one? But they never lasted long and it wasn’t even really like they were really dating when the only time they saw each other was at school.
I know you are probably thinking though, this is coming from the girl who still loves Disney movies and thinks she will have a happy ending with her Prince Charming..Well yes and no. Of course I love my Disney movies. They give you hope that things can be good but I have also been raised in a Christian household where I learnt from a young age that God has a plan for me. This past year has shown that this is true for me. I do believe that God has his plan for me and I am letting myself follow his Plan because that is what I was created for. Even though I’m not sure exactly what is in store for me I know it will have its good and bad moments, because that’s life when you have faith.
So I leave you with this poem, because everyone, no matter what you have done in your life, deserves happiness. You have to CHOOSE to be happy and that’s what I choose.
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them